It was used at the end of bills to indicate that they were paid in full. It was used by Jesus as almost His last word (John 19:30).
Almost His last word, after a life time of obedient submission to His Father and His Father's will. After a life time of being sinless, spotless so that He would be eligible to be the Perfect Sacrifice. The Sacrifice that could pay for man's sins, because He was man. The Sacrifice that could pay for all man, because He was God and His blood was precious.
Tetelestai. Centuries of animal sacrifices, curtained off Holy Places, punishment, forgiveness, failure, all leading up to this one moment, this one word. Tetelestai. When the perfect, sinless, God-Man Sacrifice would suffer. Would suffer not just physical pain, not just mortal rejection, but the Wrath of God and the unholy horror of sin.
Tetelestai. It is finished. He has done it. He has paid our bill in full. One need only read Leviticus and Hebrews to realize the full, overwhelming, extraordinary implications of that.
It means there is nothing more to do. It means that there is nothing missing. There is nothing undone. The only thing for me to do - the only thing I can do - is to bend my knee, to look to Christ, and know that it is finished.
God is Lord. Into His presence, I may know enter. In His service, I may now work. And in His family I may now be.
Tetelestai.
I almost want to get it tattooed onto my wrist. I want to write it on my walls. I want that word to be where I can see it and remember. Remember why.
Because there's been a little bit of apathy creeping into my life and my heart. Ok, maybe more than a little - a lot. The kind of apathy that sucks passion dry - even while the head stills knows the truth.
And yes, tetelestai, it means there is nothing more I can do. Nothing more I can offer God. Because it is finished, it is complete, and I've got nothing anyway. And yet... and yet... it also means than simple mental recognition of God's kingship is required. It means more than just being willing to go where God takes you. It means actively bending your will - my will - to God's. It means actively seeking His glory and His path. It means surrendering my all - heart, soul and mind.
So when did this apathy start creeping in? When did my heart stop leaping for joy at the thought of spending time with Him? When did it start feeling like enough to try to figure out how God wants me to live and then to do things? When did I stop being in God's presence?
When did I stop loving God and start thinking that just obeying would be enough?
And yeah, obeying is important. Crazy important. But so is loving. So is being grateful.
And why is this so damn hard for me to write? To admit to myself? Perhaps because it's uncomfortable. Because surrendering will and love to God would mean going places I don't want to go. Having to do things I don't want to do.
But that's what the truth of "tetelestai" - it is finished - demands. For Christ has finished it. He has made me a part of a Kingdom of Priests, a Holy Nation, God's Treasured Possession. And God never wanted lip homage - He enslaved and exiled and redeemed the entire nation of Israel to prove it. He wanted loving obedience that encompasses everything. Absolutely everything.
And that - that's just a bit too big for my comfort. And yeah, I guess here I'm meant to talk about inspiring, uplifting, stuff. I'm meant to be that God Christian kid. But that's not the truth. The truth is - it terrifies me. It excites me - it really does. But it also terrifies me. It strikes me to the core and sometimes (often) I'm so damn scared of all I'm being asked to do that I can't bring myself to pray. I can't bring myself to lift my eyes to God.
And I'm like the Israelites at the base of Mount Sinai. Cowering away from the terrifying glory of God, wishing, begging that someone else could go forth and do it for me. That someone could do the hard yards, while I reap the benefits.
And, you know what, that's also what "tetelestai" means. Someone else did do the hard yards. Someone else did live the perfect life of loving obedience. And that someone enabled me to live the benefits. It means that I can fall down and fall down and be terrified and not have the strength to lift my eyes to God myself - and yet still, always, completely and utterly, be held in the palm of His hand. Be clasped to His heart as His treasured possession, His precious daughter. And my, how that makes me glad - how my heart sings.
But still... still there is that terror. That sense of overwhelming inadequacy. That fear of failure.
So the fear, the terror, the relief, the gratitude, they're why I want that word where I can see it everyday. Because that word is - quite literally - God's honest Truth. It is finished. It is done. It is complete. And forgetting that Truth, forgetting those feelings, well it's dangerous. Because forgetting leads to being comfortable. And comfortable leads to being apathetic. And apathetic... well... is apathy. And that's a sin.
Who needs comfortable anyway?
It's time for me to refocus my heart and mind on God. To fall in love with Him again, and not just obey Him out of duty.
Tetelestai - and everything that it means.
