So, between the wedding on Saturday, this awesome post by my friend Mel, the run of the mill jokes at school and the shows that I have on my list of things to watch following the completion of my exams (just one week left!), relationships, romance and love has been coming up a lot.
And I mean, a lot.
It seems like everywhere I look, people are falling in love (with the exception of Mel, who has made an awesome decision - go read that post! Also, you go, girl!) and starting or continuing romantic relationships.
Which is awesome and all, but it has got me thinking about that kind of thing. And what my attitude is going to be about it once I finish with high school forever!
One of the things I've realized, and I said as much at youth group on Friday, that the amount of romance I have been seeing has been making me less content with being single. Making it harder to celebrate the fact that at this moment in time, God has given me the incredible gift of singleness and easier to wonder why I don't have that special someone (which is silly seeing as how much of my life I have left!).
This question is made even more pertinent (the first one about my attitude) by the fact that I will soon be 18, which is the age I have always said I will start considering the possibility of dating.
Mel's post (if you haven't already - go read!) gave me a lot to think about.
Now, my starting attitude is slightly different to hers. I'm coming more from the it-would-be-nice-to-have-a-boyfriend-but-honestly-I-don't-need-or-particularly-want-one camp (yay for long words!). Still, that is something that could very easily change next year as I meet new guys. Plus, even coming from that camp, I still have moments with most of the guys I've come across where I stop and analyse whether or not I would want to date them (so when I say I wouldn't date someone, I honestly would not date them).
Still, what she was talking about was still challenging.
The question I then asked myself was: am I ready to consider being in a relationship?
After some reflection (it didn't take long) I decided that no, I wasn't.
Sure, it would be lovely to be in a relationship with a guy who I can hug when I'm having a rough day, or who'll come over and do random stuff with just because, and someone who can lead me and guide me closer to God. BUT, I am not yet ready for that.
See, the thing is, I'm not yet at that point where I am so deeply in love with God that He will remain the centre of my relationship and my life. At this point in time, it would be far too easy for me to start idolizing the guy and not my God.
And that is, for me, a big no-no.
God, and God alone, has the right to the centerpiece of my life. He, and He alone, as the right to be Master and Ruler of my heart.
Besides, He is awesome and wonderful and incredible, and why would I want to love anyone else more than Him?
As well as this, a secondary point, my character is not yet ready to act as the woman in a romance. I still have a lot of growth ahead of me before I am ready to be the kind of woman who can unconditionally love and support a man. Don't read that wrong - I'm not waiting to be perfect! I just now that at the moment, I am not ready for it.
So, I have decided on this:
Next year, I am planning to do Year 13, an awesome gap year program that involves Bible study and ministry. I am going to devote that year to developing my relationship with God.
There will be no development of romantic relationships in that year.
The focus will be on falling deeper in love with GOD and building friendships with the people I meet.
If any guy wants to date me, I'm sorry in advance to him (chances are, admittedly, slim), but the answer is no.
And I figure, if he is the right guy, or is serious about pursuing and caring for my heart, then he'll not only be willing to wait, but will also support me in my decision and be happy to just be my friend (should this scenario happen, I have some close girlfriends that I will ask to help keep me accountable to the boundaries that will be established).
The important thing for me next year, is to fall in love with God. To grow as His child and to bring Him honour.
The purpose is not to prepare myself for romance, rather, I have decided to abstain from romance in order to focus on the far more important Love of my Life.
And I ask all you who read this post to hold me accountable to this. To challenge me if a relationship starts to develop, to slap me if I ignore your challenge, and to be challenging me about my relationship with God. The last thing I want to do is get complacent!
At the end of next year, I'll probably revisit the question and decide whether I wish to keep abstaining from romance or will be open to the possibility of a relationship.
So check in with me then to find out!
Also, I've just realized that I haven't continued with the thought about contentment in singleness - being purposeful about being single will, I am certain, help me with it. Also, if I find myself getting too discontent, well, bye-bye romcoms for a while!
And now, on a completely unrelated note - my thanksgiving point! Christmas is on the 45th day from now!
So, today I am very thankful for the exams I sat. They had the potential to be absolutely devastating, and, praise the Lord, the weren't! Still my worst exams in this lot to date, but they were not devastating, which gives me great hope as they are the ones I feared the most (short of tomorrow morning's exam).
So, thank God that the exams were good and I was able to recall most of what I had learnt. It is such a weight off my shoulders! Only 6 left now!!
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