Hey everyone, sorry for the delay. Life got a bit busy again, not that that is any excuse. I really need to be more disciplined in my posting. Anyway, I'm just going to launch straight into this part, if you need a refresher, the links are at the bottom.
So, the third factor that I am convinced was at play that week was: Life Lessons 101 with God.
Yeah, God was teaching me, working to bring me more in line with who He created me to be. More in line with Christ.
The friend I was speaking to about all this essentially said that sometimes God uses our feelings of uselessness and our knowledge of our own failures to show us that He doesn't need us for His work to be done. To rephrase slightly: His power and work is not defined by or limited to what we do and do not do (forget can and can not do - I know I certainly don't often do what I can do). Nor does He need us, that is, me to do His work.;
If that offends you, I don't apologise. Honestly, in some ways, in offends my sensibilities too. But it's true.
He simply does not need us.
He is more than powerful enough to do His work without us.
In fact, looking at the church as a whole throughout history and my own life, I would even say that the majority of the time, what do is more of a hindrance and a help. God's work often happens in spite of me, and us, not because of us.
If one of you readers tries to tell me you've never put your foot in it while trying to represent the Kingdom of Heaven and emulate Christ, I would immediately say that you're either deluded and need to re-evaluate your life, or you're Christ Himself. My money, of course, is on the former.
So, on with the lesson I was being taught.
This makes more sense in the context of my frame of mind before beach mission.
To put it bluntly, my frame of mind was one of arrogance. What expression my arrogance took varied depending on where I was, who I was with, what was happening, and what mood I was in.
Sometimes, my arrogance predicted that nothing would happen at all on beach mission. That the whole venture would be a "show that flopped".
I could (and I will, despite the way my insides squirm) phrase it this way: my arrogance sometimes led me to predict that God would fail us on beach mission.
Is anyone else's heresy bells ringing like crazy? Mine certainly are. God fail us?
Phrased like that, only 2 words come to mind: the cross.
So easy in retrospect. But, embarrassingly, that is the truth of one of the ways my arrogance was expressed. And, most shamefully, will be expressed in the future.
The second expression of this arrogance was my daydreams of me somehow managing to stride above everyone else as I dazzled everyone I met with the grace, poise and God-centredness of my life. How could people not want to know this God who gave me such grace and strength?
Yeah... that's ridiculous (and yes, I did just gag with disgust at myself). Have you ever met me? Grace and poise? More like tongue-tied klutz.
But, far more glaringly, is the fact that really, it was all about me.
Sure, my intention was to point people to Christ, but the reality would have been, and is, self-glorifying. And the dream? Well, it was all focued on me and how I would be used to advance HIs Kingdom.
No one gets much more arrogant than that.
The words of Paul drift across my mind: "sinners, of whom I am the worst." Which, you know, is why I am so grateful for grace.
During the week of beach mission, God deftly took my sin and the attacks of the Devil (ok... He probably didn't take them, He allowed them for this purpose) and taught me this: He does not need me.
He just does not need me.
Neither of the visions I had regarding beach mission happened.
He showed me, through my own failure and uselessness that His work, power and grace would astound minds and transform lives, and that I was not needed for that to happen.
He showed me that it was only by His grace that I had any part to play at all. Any lives and hearts that I touched weren't because of any gifting I had, or any design of my own, but because God graciously decided to include my floundering attempts in His plan for someone's life.
And, I know, my arrogance is going to resurface. As will my selfishness, my comparisons between myself and others, and my coveting. It's all going to come back. It's going to taunt me my whole life long.
But here's the thing, I also know that as far as God is concerned, that part of me, my sinful nature, is dead. He sees only His purified daughter. And, for as long as I stuff up (AKA my entire life), God will work to touch people, not through my strengths, not even my weaknesses, but His grace acting in my life - even when I can't see it.
I am not needed, but I am allowed to play a part. Because God is good and gracious and glorious.
Now, you have my promise that tomorrow, I will post the last part of this tomorrow.
In the meantime, here are the other parts:
Heavenly Father, I cannot, but You Can (part 1 of 4)
Heavenly Father, I Cannot, but You Can (part 2 of 4)
Heavenly Father, I Cannot, but You Can (part 4 of 4)
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