Yeah, I'm talking to you. Yes, you, beautiful woman. I was wondering if you'd like to join me for a bit of a heart to heart over a cup of apple cinnamon tea. And, just in case you were wondering, yes, I do have a mug of apple cinnamon tea here.
How are you? Are you doing well?
If you asked me that, my automatic response is probably "yeah, I'm fine". I'd probably add something about being tired. Is that yours too?
Isn't it funny how rarely we think about how we answer that question. Although, I guess we probably give it as much thought as the amount of sincerity from the asker normally demands.
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But enough with the small talk. I'm going to cut right to the chase. I've invited you in to have this little heart to heart because I realized - once again - during the week, just how much the world is conspiring to make us feel worthless. And, yes, it's doing the same to men, but I'm not a man, so I'm not really in a position to speak to them.
But I can speak to you, my fellow women. Because I'm figuring (from my entire 18 - nearly 19 - years of experience) that what goes on in our hearts is not as different as what goes on in our lives.
And here's what I guess goes on in your hearts: some days, are fine. On these days it's easy to believe you are loved. Easy to believe that you are beautiful. Easy to believe that you are worth something - perhaps even more than your weight in gold.
Some days, though, some days are plain hard. On these days, it's easy to believe that not only are you not loved - you are unlovable. Easy to believe that not only are you not beautiful - you don't even rate on the passable scale, just the ugly one. Easy to believe that you are worth nothing - or less than nothing.
Believe me, I know. I really do know.
And, if you haven't experienced those hard days yet, I envy you. But it's been a good long while since I was naïve enough to believe you never will. And, beautiful, I want you to hear what I'm going to say now, and I want you to hear what I'm going to say then, and every single day of your life. Both the fine days and the hard days.
To the rest of you, I'm sue you know exactly what days I'm talking about.
For me, a hard day was triggered on Thursday. At a talk about pornography. As I sat listening to the statistics about porn (and the people who view it) I could feel my heart breaking, my eyes welling up and a little bit of a voice telling me "whatever makes you think you'll ever be good enough? Especially when you have to compete with that?" And my heart broke because I know the truth - but so few people do. My heart broke because the world just keeps throwing things in our faces to make us feel worthless.
And believe me, the world throws us everything.
The way we dress. (You're either too prudish or too slutty - seriously, if you try pleasing the world with the way you dress, you'll tick somebody off. Probably multiple somebodies.)
The things we like, the things we dislike. ("You're such a tomboy, why can't you be more girly?" "You're such a girly girl, why can't you be tougher"(??) "Oh my word... you like that??" "What do you mean you don't like this?")
The things we do - or don't do. ("Erm, stay at home mum? I thought we abolished that with the giving you the right to work." "You work? But don't you have kids to look after?")
Our relationship status. ("Don't you have a boyfriend yet?" "I could never imagine being tied to one person so young (early twenties alert)")
The quality of our work ("You're too smart" "You're not smart enough" "Can't you cook?")
The amount we worry about stuff ("Don't you care at all???" "Gee... calm down")
To list just a few of the things we getting measured against (am I getting a few nods - and maybe a chuckle of "oh yeah, I know that" yet?)
And that's just the things we get measured against.
And it all just adds up. And really, it breaks my heart. And it isn't breaking my heart because it's true and what hope is there for womankind. Oh no, little miss, don't you ever think that's what breaks my heart. It breaks my heart because it is absolutely, most definitely not true. Never, ever, ever.
And here's why I invited you to this heart to heart over tea (even though it's taken me so long to get this words out that my tea got stone cold and all drunk up long ago): the world is just plain WRONG! And I said it on Thursday, to a friend who shared my pain. To a friend who knows the deep, intense pain of feeling inadequate:
One day, one day we will stand before God. And for the first time ever we will believe with every part of our being that we are loved, we are beautiful and we are of worth.
But until that day, we will struggle. We will struggle with those voices (those sometimes - often - overwhelming voices) that tell us we're not good enough. We're not pretty enough. And we're definitely not loved. And in that struggle, my darling, beloved women friends, I all we can do is cling to the truth: the truth that we are good enough - by the grace of God. We are pretty enough - by the grace of God. We are loved - by the grace of God.
And did you see that mug I had my tea in earlier? It's my favourite. Printed round and round again with those verses that's so important to remember - 2 Corinthians 12: 9 - 10. Go read them. Read them. And then, when you've read them, read John 3: 16. Go on, read it. Don't just summon it from memory. Read it. And the verses around it. And read 1 John. And, of course, Romans 8.
Always remember: we have worth because God has declared we have worth. We are beautiful, because God has declared we are beautiful. We are loved because God has chosen to love us. And really, who has the right to make that call? The created world or the Creator God?
And, I know I've rambled. But I hope that something I've said has touched you. Feel free to contact me if you have questions or comments. Because you are so wonderful, beautiful and loved. And as hard as it is to remember, it's true. Not because I said so, but because GOD said so.
With love,
Laura Ruth
Linked up with Coffee for Your Heart at http://holleygerth.com/
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