It has been some time now since I have sat down with pen and paper (or keyboard and screen, as is currently the case) to put in words the finer, deeper emotions and thoughts of the past year. Every time I have tried, be it personal reflections in my journal, letters to beloved friends or post to be shared with the world, I have found myself staring at blank pages - or pages full of words that are all wrong, wrong, WRONG! I have found, for the first time in life, that the written word has failed me utterly.
But the truth is, how do you put into words the love, the gratitude, the delight, the heartache, the - the - oh! I don't have the words for it! Perhaps it is best expressed as the fellowship that I have experienced this past year. Yes, I think that might be it.
I have grown up some this past year. I am still growing, I know it well! But I have grown up some, this year. And I think, perhaps, it is because of just that fellowship (for lack of a better word) that is so hard for me to put into words.
I know that I have loved more deeply, more freely, more openly, than I have ever loved before. And have felt myself to be deeply loved in return. Oh, I'm doing this so, so badly!
To that girl from Austria; those newly-weds I wrote to over a year ago and have since been brother and sister to me; to those sisters I prayed with, laughed with, cried with every week at college; to those men who are brothers; to all those who have mentored me, prayed for me, led me closer to God through your example; to those at church, at beach mission, from school, and - of course - from college:
Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Thank you for being men and women of God. Thank you for pursuing Him with all your hearts. Thank you for hearing that part of me I have been too ashamed to show the world and accepting me with open arms still. Thank you for sharing your heartaches, your wounds, your scars, your tears. Thank you for sharing your joys, your triumphs, your laughter. Thank you for being open, honest and safe. Thank you for being people who are willing to let God work through you.
I thank God for each and every one of you, for I really, truly have none like you. Each turning page of my life has brought greater joys (and, sometimes, greater sorrows), than the preceding year. Because of you, last year was the sweetest page of my story so far. And because of you, I look to the coming pages with optimism and complete confidence in all the Lord has in store for me.
I know that many of you had a page (or even a chapter) stained with tears this last year. I know that others of you have chapters ringing with laughter. Happy or sad, I know all you - all of us - had pages written perfectly by the hand of the Master Author. And I know that - whilst we may wish things written differently know - each line serves to forward to story of our lives as God's children and ambassadors in this world. I encourage you, my beloved friends, to trust in God's goodness, grace and justice. Trust that our stories, our pages of pain, and our pages of comfort, all have a place in the great Narrative of the universe.
I wish... I really, really wish, that I could put into words just what you mean to me. Just how encouraged I have been by each and every one of you, and just how much I hope to be - or to have been - as much of an encouragement to you. Perhaps a better master of writing than me - or perhaps just one more diligent about practicing the art of writing - could do it, but I can not.
And so you'll just have to trust that you have shaped me and influenced me in my life. You'll have to accept those small things I have been able to do, and will do as often as I can, as proof of a deeper love and gratitude than I am capable of expressing. And I hope that, come Judgment day, when all is made plain before mankind, that you will understand then and give glory to our Father for it.
May God bless you and keep you. May He guide you through life. May His grace be the anthem of your days and His justice your comfort. May His love uphold you and His light brighten the darkest of days. May His mission inspire you and His Spirit embolden you. May you lay down your lives in thankful unceasing worship of Him every day that you draw breath. And may His Death on the Cross, His Resurrection from the Gave and His Ascension into Heaven give you strength, comfort and hope when all else seems lost.
With all my love, prayers and hopes to catch up soon,
Laura
