It's been one of those weeks.
Ok, it's been two.
Two of those weeks where I've felt a little bit like a little girl again. A little girl dressed up in my granny's heels and old dresses (yeah... Mum doesn't go in for that stuff) tripping around the hall and down the stairs pretending to be all grown up and sophisticated, but really being a bit of a mess. Not to mention a health hazard (the number of times Mum told me not to go down the stairs in too big heels and I still did it... sorry Mum).
But anyway.
I think you know what I mean. Unless you're a guy. Did guys do that? Where their dad's clothes and pretend to be grown up?
Sorry, I'm rambling. This is what happens when you're up at midnight after a couple of hard weeks. You ramble. Best of luck to people trying to find the wisdom in here. It's like looking for a nugget of gold. There may only be a fleck of dust or two.
Sorry, focus, Laura, focus.
So, I've been feeling like that.
Like I'm still just a kid pretending to be grown up. Pretending to know what I'm doing, only to be in serious danger of breaking something because I'm walking down stairs in too-big shoes. Only this time, there was no Mum telling me it was dangerous because that's what I am now, right? An adult.
And sure people say I'm only on my Ls in life and not to expect to get it all right, but they sure treat me like I know exactly what I'm doing, or should be doing. But maybe that was just me.
Me desperately trying to be perfect, because, I'll be honest, I'm still not entirely sure what it is people see in me that is worth anything. And the whole thing was getting exhausting - to the point of having a mini break down Sunday morning.
But I'm not here to dwell, at length, again, about my week. Especially not at midnight. Having just submitted an assignment. With a headache. And this is turning into a serious pity party, isn't it?
Well, anyway. I was at the pools earlier, doing some more prac hours for my swimming instructors course. One of my classes was Squids, which is a step up from Waterbabies (which, if the name didn't give it away, is the beginners swim class for babies). And two of these kids had only just come up from Waterbabies.
They had no idea what they were doing.
Their technique was sloppy.
They had floats on (like, multiple floats on).
But they spent the entire lesson grinning, laughing, splashing and just generally having fun.
And, well, loving their time in the water. The way I did as a kid.
And I get some kids who scream and scream and scream. And I get some kids who get irritated that they can't do something one of the other kids can (I had one kid cry because I refused to let him swim by himself - but seriously, he would have drowned).
But not these kids.
Despite the constant corrections and occasional not actually going anywhere in the water moments, these kids were having a ball.
I could help but chuckle over their antics, and their smiles were just plain infectious.
And I think God sent them to me purposefully (ok, I know He did). Because as I watched them not getting it right and laughing, I realized something.
It is actually ok not be perfect.
It's ok to not get it right.
It's ok to sometimes not go anywhere.
Just so long as I don't let the frustration of it take over my life.
So long as I appreciate what I do have. Just like those kids were appreciating their time in the water.
And, yeah, I probably will have days where I'm that kid who just cries because I'm not getting it right. Or days when I insist I can do it alone when everyone else is like "erm, no". Because, you know, I'm a stubborn, sinful woman like that.
But really, life is a gift from God. Why not enjoy it?
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