A Difficult Fortnight

Hello friend!

Right now, I'm wishing I could tell you that the last fortnight had been amazing, through up a few pictures and be done. However, that would not be honest. So, I'll proceed instead with the truth.

This fortnight has been terrible.

The first week didn't feel so bad. At least, I didn't notice it being particularly bad at the time. Sure, I want sleeping so well, sure I was wanting to cry at random times for unknown reasons, and sure it was getting harder and harder to get out of bed, but, you know, the week before was busy. I thought I was just tired.

That Saturday, a friend of mine came for lunch. That was good fun, but as soon as he left, I crawled into bed and barely managed to get out to feed myself.

The next morning, Sunday, I woke up feeling slightly better. Yay! I'd turned a corner. You may or may not have noticed this, but I'm very good at fooling myself. My mood and my energy kept plummeting, until at about 12:45, I was so over everything, that I swallowed two dozen aspirin.

Yep, I overdosed. Intentionally.

To be clear, the overdose was not a suicide attempt. I was just tired, stressed, wanting a break, wanting to hurt myself and in such a bad place that overdosing seemed the way to do it. The amount I took was not a lethal amount. Still, in the spirit of total honesty, if something had gone wrong, if I had died, I would not have been sorry.

Fortunately, one of my housemate rushed me to the hospital, where I was taken care of. I didn't even have to spend the night. My mum came to visit the next day, and I've spent the week visiting professionals and spending time with friends who looked after me.

Still, I had a horrible night on Thursday, and ended up with drawings all the way up my left arm (a thing I do instead of cutting). Friday morning, my head was a mess, my emotions were a mess and I was exhausted. I went to see the people I was scheduled to see, before collapsing on a friend's trampoline with a book and a rabbit.

I slept much better last night, and enjoyed a slow day, a picnic and a walk in a park. The worst complaint I have right now is a headache and tiredness.

So, before I finish, I want to mention some of the things I'm grateful fur this week:
The rabbit.
Flowers.
Friends who have been praying for me.
Friends who have cooked for me.
Friends who have given me room to speak and try to start processing the overdose.
My generous housemates.
My family.
And, more than anything, God's love and grace.

 The meantime, thank you! And if you are of the praying kind, I'd really appreciate some prayer!

Laura Dee
xox