A woman who attempted suicide aged 17. She miraculously failed.
And by miraculously, I mean, impossibly, wonderfully and supernaturally.
She threw herself in front of a train, purposefully leaving it too late for the driver to stop it.
Over 30 cars rolled over her at 55 miles per hour... that's 88km/h. According to a train engineer, her body should have been sucked up by the train. It wasn't. Instead, she felt a powerful force holding her down.
What did happen was that her legs were severed.
She lost 8 pints of blood. That's a little under four liters. Apparently, medically speaking, you're supposed to die after losing 5 pints.
And that's just part of the wonderful way in which God has been working in her life. I strongly advise you get the book: "Life In Spite of Me".
But I'm not bringing this up just to plug the book.
No, I'm bringing this up because it's gotten me thinking. Thinking about so many things.
Many of the people who have influenced Kristen's life the most since her attempted suicide are people who have made themselves available to God to be used as He would use them.
They are people who have, instead of focusing on Kristen or on themselves, focused on God.
They have spoken Words of Life into Kristen's Life, not because they were anything special, but because they acknowledge God as King and themselves as the Messengers, the Ambassadors.
Kristen herself is speaking those Words of Life into the Lives of other people. And I could tell from reading her book that those Words aren't hers, but God's.
When she first realized she was being called to the ministry she now has, her reaction was to wonder at her, an ordinary person, being called by God.
As I read that, I chuckled, shook my head and whispered "Oh Kristen, we're all ordinary. It's just our God that is extraordinary."
But since reading it, I've been thinking, how would I respond in that situation? If, like Kristen, I was called to that sort of ministry for similar reasons? Or, if, like her friends, I found myself in the position to speak Words of Life into someone else's life?
I had to stop there and go message a friend.
Because there are people who I have the opportunity to speak the Words of Life to. People I need to speak the Words of Life too.
But that brings me to the question I've been turning over and over in my mind.
Do I acknowledge that I am just God's Ambassador? Do I let Him use me as His messenger?
Or do I try setting myself up as the source of knowledge and understanding? Do I try to be the King in other people's lives, or do I let God do the Ruling?
I know what the answer to that question should be. I know what I want it to be. But what troubles me is that I don't know if that is the honest answer, or if I'm just fooling myself.
Am I blindly stumbling along, saying I'm acting as God's ambassador, but really, I'm the one trying to pull the strings and just making a mess or things?
My favourite song by TobyMac is this one:
The lyrics hit me every time.
Because I don't think he's just talking about his singing career.
I think he's talking about everything in life. Every time when, for whatever reason, we're tempted to put ourselves in the spotlight. That's what I think he's talking about.
And his song has been my prayer more than once. I want to step back and let God take it away.
I want to let the King do His thing.
So, God, come on and steal this show, I'm going to step back and watch you go, and if I so much as dare to try to step into the spotlight, please blindside me. Cause I'm not meant to be there.
I'm just the Ambassador... He is the Amazing and Wonderful King.
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