I'm sitting here, staring at my screen. I don't know what to write. No, I know what to write, but I don't know how to say it.
Because how does one say the unspeakable pain of finding out that a loved one has been suffering alone?
How does one say the agony of knowing that a friend is in danger, and has been for a long time, and you've never even known?
How does one say the guilt that comes from having seen signs, but not devoted the time to finding out what they mean, only to discover they mean something far worse than could be imagined?
How does one say an agony so deep that only those who've felt it can understand?
And, if it was happening to me that would be so much easier because then I would know what to do, how to fight it. But it's not. It's happening to someone else, someone oh so dear to me and all I can do is fall down to my knees and pray as I watch from the sidelines.
And how does one speak of the pain that is?
How does one speak of the pain that at once has them crying out "why?!" to God and on down on bended knees singing the words of Amazing Grace over and over again.
Particularly that third verse.
The verse that admits there are many dangers, many toils and many snares. But reminds that Grace is what has brought us through them and promises that Grace will bring us home.
And it's all Grace. It's only Grace.
Grace that makes up for our eggshell strength. Grace that makes up for our failures.
Grace... Grace... Grace...
And as I walk, still reeling and in pain, the sound of birdsong comes through loud and clear.
And yes, I'm wearing black because it's the only colour that really fits things right now.
But even after everything else has been stripped away and hidden, Hope remains.
Because His Grace is unchanging.
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