So I started thumbing through Twilight, the only novel in that room purely because it’s one I want to get rid of. But yeah, I was reading bits of Twilight (please don’t judge).
Anyway, I came
to that bit
where Edward is
driving Bella to
school and grilling
her about her
life in Pheonix
(if you have
no idea what I’m talking
about, I’d say
that’s a good
thing). One of
the many questions
he asks her
is about her
romantic history.
At this point
in the questioning,
Bella reveals to
him that she
has never dated
anyone else before.
Has never really
wanted to. Please
bear in mind
that she is
only 17.
Edward’s
response to her
revelation pulled me up short.
“So you never
met anyone you
wanted?”
Wait, what?
Is that what dating
come down to
these days? Is
that what romance
is all about?
Is it really
only about wanting
someone?
Now, some of
you are probably
thinking that Twilight
is a bad
example. After all,
the entire storyline
is based on
that kind of
romance. They want
each other. And
they are willing
to put her
life at risk,
lie through their
teeth to her father, break
hearts, and disobey
authorities in order
to get each
other.
But given the fact
that Twilight has
made Stephanie Meyer
millions, perhaps it’s
the perfect example
of how our
culture views love
and romance.
It’s all based
on “I want you.”
Now, don’t hear
me wrong, desire
for your partner,
especially if the
relationship is going
to be, or
is, a marriage
is normal and
healthy. I’d even
go so far as to
say necessary. It’s
certainly part of
the way God
designed our romantic
relationships to be
(hello, He created
our sex drive,
remember?)
The problem starts
when wanting someone
is the entire
basis of the
relationship. As it
is with Edward
and Bella.
After all, wanting
someone and having
that as your
motivation is selfish.
And 1 Corinthians 13, that beautiful
passage that defines
what love is,
any kind of
love, not just
romantic, makes it
very clear that
love is not
selfish, it is
selfless.
So, if your
basis for a
relationship is selfish,
how can it be a
truly loving relationship?
In many ways,
this post has
been a long
time in coming.
I’ve been wanting
to share my
personal view on
love, romance and marriage for
a while, I’ve
just been too
embarrassed to write
it.
But reading that
line in Twilight
was rather the
last straw.
It became very
clear to me
what today’s post
would be about.
So, my goal
here is not
to preach at
you and tell
you this is
how you should
view love, so
instead, I’m going
to tell you about
the sort of relationship I
hope to one
day have with
my husband, whoever
he ends up
being. Assuming, of
course, I get
married.
I’ll confess it
here, but I
am a die-hard romantic.
I firmly believe
in true love.
Firmly.
I believe that
the kind of
love Adam and
Eve were designed
for is possible.
But I don’t
believe in the
candlelit roast dinner
kind of romance.
The kind that
is flashy without
much substance. (That
said, if the
man I marry
ever cooks me
a roast and we
eat
at a candlelit
table, I won’t
be saying no).
The kind of
romance I believe
in, the love I’m hoping
for with my husband,
is the romance
and love that
God designed specifically
for us. The
kind of love
that reflects God’s
own sacrifice. The
kind that is
only possible with
God in control
of the relationship.
The kind of
love that meant
Adam and Eve
could go around
together naked without
shame. I’m not
saying that I’d like my
husband and I
to spend our days naked.
But I would
hope to have
that love present
in our marriage: the
kind of love that means
we can bare
our souls to
one another without fear
of condemnation and
without shame. The
kind of relationship
that has no
secrets.
That kind
of openness would, in
turn, mean that
the relationship would
be one of
trust. Trust of
each other. The
kind of trust
that would allow
us the freedom
to be both
individuals and one.
Because that’s
important to me. That we
become one. Not
just in body,
but in heart
and mind as
well. That we
come together in our
worship of God
and our service
of Him in the little
day-to-day matters. That
we will be
like minded in
our faith and
values, and able
to grow together
in relationship with
God. That we
would be able
to raise any children we may have
in unity.
Ladies, this
next one may
shock you, may
even offend you,
but… I hope
my husband is
the leader in
the relationship and
I, his helper.
Yeah, you
read right.
I hope
our relationship is one
in
which he leads.
One in which I
can trust him
to lead me closer
to God with
every step. One
in which I know he
will make wise
and loving choices
for me and
our family, and
I can help
him without fear
or uncertainty.
This is
dangerous ground, because
some might accuse
me of weakness
and being a bit of
a sheeple, and
the whole man
leads, woman helps
is a scenario
where that could
easily happen. But,
if you know
me, you know
that I’m not
one for just
doing as I’m
told. If I’m
going to submit
to someone elses,
I need to
trust them utterly.
I need to
know that not
only do they have my
best interests at
heart, but also
the best interests
of everybody around
as and God
at the centre
of their lives.
So the
fact that I
want my husband to
lead says something
about how I
want the relationship
to look.
I hope
our relationship is one of love and
trust but also
of respect. Respect
of each other,
respect for ourselves
and respect for
those around us.
I hope
it is one
where we can
laugh together and
can cry together.
One were we can
argue
fiercely but be full of
forgiveness and grace.
I hope
it is one that
people can look
at and think “aren’t they
cute? Look at
the way they
still love each
other”, because I
want our love
to be the
kind of love
that displays itself
in the way we treat
each other and
the little things
we do for
each other.
But, I’ve
left the most important
features
of the kind
of marriage I
am hoping for
to the end.
I hope
my marriage is
one in which
my husband and
I open our Bibles
together, pray
together and worship
together.
I hope
my marriage is
one in which
my husband and
I fight our
battles on our
knees, together.
I hope
my marriage is
one firmly rooted in
the truth that
Jesus Christ is the Son
of God who
became a man,
died, rose from the dead,
rules Heaven, Earth
and Hell from
God’s right hand and through
Him we are
saved.
But, first
and foremost, I
want my marriage
to be one in which
my husband and
I can look
at each other
through the years
and whisper “I love
you so much, but
I still love
God more”.
Because I don’t think
romance is about
wanting the other
person so much
you can’t live
without them. I
believe that true romance is
about the other person. And that the heart of it, that throbbing, life giving centre of romance, is God.
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